


est-ce que tu m'aimes?

by izzylawliet



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 11:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15048194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylawliet/pseuds/izzylawliet
Summary: It's easy to love someone; it's easier to betray them.





	est-ce que tu m'aimes?

**Author's Note:**

> est-ce que tu m'aimes? by maitre gims

Jaehwan’s fingers lift to brush aside Wonshik’s hair as the man was above him, loving him in the way that he did so well. There was no doubt that Wonshik knew his body, knew everything about him, the way that he liked to be touched, kissed, pressed into with a passion that only lovers of so many years could accomplish. Jaehwan’s lips are parted, separated to release breaths and soft sounds of pleasure as Wonshik continued to work into his body. It was done with ease. All of it always was; the way that Wonshik works him up to a pleasure that causes him to arch his back, cry out to the heavens, and release in a sticky mess between them.

Wonshik brings him down with kisses and soft words, fingers running over his skin in a tender way that cause goosebumps to rise on his cooling skin. Wonshik is always so kind with Jaehwan, the way he whispers how beautiful he was into his ear, the way he holds onto him for as long as Jaehwan needs for the spasms to disappear. He waits for the moment that Jaehwan’s eyes come back to him, his kiss-swollen lips spread into a smile, and a soft breath of _I love you_ slip from them.

It brings a greater smile to his lips as he releases his last labored breaths just before relaxing down on the bed. Jaehwan releases another breath when Wonshik slips from his used body, leaving him feel empty, but still ever so satisfied.

Jaehwan turns over onto his side, fully expecting Wonshik to curl up behind him and draw him in closer as he normally does. When it doesn’t happen, Jaehwan turns to see Wonshik sitting on the edge of the bed, stretching while he slips on a shirt. It draws Jaehwan’s brows together and is enough to push himself up onto his elbows. He looks at the man’s tattooed back curiously as it’s covered.

“Shikkie?”

“I know about him.”

Jaehwan’s heart skips a beat and he fully pushes himself up, moving onto his knees despite the mess that leaked from his body. He keeps the sheet around his waist as he moves closer to the man he’s called lover and friend for three years. He reaches out to touch Wonshik’s shoulder.

The man pulls away.

“I’ve known about him.”

Everything inside of Jaehwan breaks at the sound of his voice, so broken and seemingly small. Wonshik has never sounded small. He watches as he pushes himself up and slips into the jeans that were pooled on the ground. The man slips them up over his hips, leaving them undone and open, the tuft of hair messy with his own release and while it was normally a sight that turned Jaehwan on, he couldn’t stop his heart from racing long enough to think straight.

“W— I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shikkie; come back to bed.” Jaehwan reaches for his hand, now up on his knees to be somewhat more equal with him. When Wonshik moves out of reach, Jaehwan looks at him sadly. He sits back on his heels and looks up at the man who no longer looks at him with the love that he had just moments ago.

“His name is Sanghyuk, isn’t it?”

Another stab to Jaehwan’s heart as he sees the tears form in Wonshik’s eyes even though he can tell that the man was trying not to cry. It makes Jaehwan want to cry and as much as he tries to resist the need to, there were tears brimming in his eyes. He closes his eyes and looks away. It doesn’t last long as Wonshik grabs his chin to direct his gaze back to his.

“Isn’t it?”

Jaehwan let out a broken sound just as he nods his head and he feels his own heart break at the noise that Wonshik releases. It was such a _crushed_ noise. Nothing sounded more defeated than in that moment, Wonshik’s noise that echoes through Jaehwan in an ever repeating motion — stabbing into his heart again and again, as though to remind him of the pain he was causing this man.

“Yes.” Jaehwan finally admits, holding the sheet tighter around his waist, but it matters not as Wonshik turns and walks to the large window of their bedroom. Jaehwan reaches out for him, as though he could reach him before he lets his hands settle into his lap.

“How long?”

It wasn’t a question that Jaehwan wants to answer. It’s one that he wishes would disappear from the world, disappear from Wonshik’s mind and yet…

“Seven months.”

Another noise that tore through Jaehwan’s chest. He wants to reach out to touch the man he calls his, the man he loves more than anything. But he knows that he has no right.

“How did you find out?” He asks, quietly and subdued as he never takes his eyes from the clothed back of his lover. He watches how Wonshik walks back towards the bed, stopping at his bedside table and opening the drawer at the top. He pulls out a black leather wallet.

_Sanghyuk’s wallet_.

Jaehwan covers his mouth with a hand, eyes wide as he stares at the innocent object that gives away everything. He blocks the noise that threatens to leave him. All the alerts were going off in his head, to get out of there, to _run_. He had to avoid the outcome of this because it couldn’t be good.

When the wallet is held out for him, Jaehwan reaches for it with shaky fingers, closing around it. Wonshik walks back to the window to look out at the city below. Jaehwan can only imagine what was going through his mind at that moment. It was clear that he had known about this for a while — Sanghyuk hadn’t been in that bed for a month; he’d had to replace all of his cards and get a new license but those were thoughts that Jaehwan should be thinking about right then.

“Wonshik…” He says quietly, pushing himself up from the bed, wallet in hand while he wraps the sheet tighter around himself. “I...I can explain. It’s not...it’s not serious.”

Jaehwan had never lied to Wonshik’s face, not a single time before, and yet he was doing so now. The entire time cheating, he had made sure that Wonshik had never considered it to be a possibility, and yet he could tell the man was going over every little thing that had happened over the last seven months as though he would find some sign that he had simply ignored in all that time.

“Is seven months not serious? I proposed to you at five months.”

Jaehwan looks down to the ring on his left hand, a ring that would never be made into a wedding ring. He never one removed it, never once could accept the weight of it absent from him. He had tried at first, but Sanghyuk had slid it back onto his finger when he witnessed how much it affected Jaehwan to be without it — like it was his anchor.

“Do you love him?”

How does Jaehwan answer that? How would he answer something he hadn’t considered himself? He supposes that if the man was serious enough to cheat on Wonshik with, then the answer should be ‘ _yes_ ’. But...it’s not.

“No.”

Wonshik turns and leans against the windowsill. His arms cross over his chest as he observes the man standing by the bed, the blanket wrapped around him. Jaehwan wants to move towards him, touch him, kiss him and make him understand that Jaehwan _loves_ him. The look in his eye was enough to keep Jaehwan away, though.

“Then why?”

Jaehwan wishes that he has an answer for the man, more than anything. He wishes that he could explain to him why he had started the affair and why he had let it continue and why he brought it home in the first place. He never should have brought Sanghyuk home, but he had and it was clear to Wonshik that he had.

“He’s… he’s a good fuck, Wonshik.” Jaehwan speaks in such a cruel way, though it never meant to be. The tone was just what he felt, it was lacking emotion because he knows that if he lets himself _feel_ this, then he would be lost to the emotions and this wasn’t a time in which he should allow himself to feel. He doesn’t deserve that.

The sardonic laugh cuts deep into Jaehwan’s chest. “A good fuck? I thought _I_ was a good fuck, Jaehwan. Or is it just because of his dick size?”

Wonshik never spoke this crudely, never. And so Jaehwan knows that it’s purposeful to hurt him, trying to rile him up, trying to give Wonshik _further_ reason to break up with him. It was as though he—

Oh.

“Wonshik…” Jaehwan asks, reaching out for his fiance and touching his forearms gently, guiding his arms away from his chest. Jaehwan had thought there would be resistance, but is relieved to see and feel that there is not. Wonshik’s arms slip around his hardly covered form and is allowing Jaehwan to step against his chest, his bare feet resting against Wonshik’s while the sheet slowly slips down his naked form. “Wonshik… please, forgive me…”

“Do you love me?”

Jaehwan gives a gentle smile, a soft one, a sad one. He feels the emotions flicker through his expression and he wishes that it was an answer that he could answer immediately. He loves the way that Wonshik cares for him, the way that Wonshik provides for him and supports him, guiding him to follow his dreams, to doing what he wants with his life. But after three years, after seven months of cheating, Jaehwan could not so easily answer that question.

“ _Do you love me_?”

The repetition of the question doesn’t make it any easier for Jaehwan to answer. He lips fall open as though he had an answer resting on them and he can see those tears forming all over again in Wonshik’s eyes. The man can’t handle heartbreak.

“Yes.”

It’s a lie that Jaehwan feels is necessary. He doesn’t want to hurt Wonshik anymore than he already had, and so he promises to stop. He promises to never see the man again. He promises to be faithful to Wonshik from this point forward.

 

*

 

Jaehwan arches his back painfully, but it put the other at just the right angle to hit him deeper, to hit him better, and it’s causing Jaehwan to see spots. It was the perfect fuck, the way his hips are grasped _nearly_ tight enough to leave bruises, how he’s being handled, held to the other’s liking, and his body is on _fire_ from just how perfect and right it all feels.

“Up. Come here.” Sanghyuk groans out in that perfect pitched voice of his, grabbing both of Jaehwan’s elbows to drag him up, forcing his back against his chest and creating another angle that drives Jaehwan closer to the edge that he’d gladly be pushed off of. It’s too much and Sanghyuk knows this, because he’s been doing this for a year now. He knows everything there is to know about Jaehwan.

The elder man is crying out as this was the angle that he needs. He reaches back to grab onto the outside of Sanghyuk’s thighs, scrabbling at them as though he’d find the purchase he needs to stay sane. Every thrust is pushing him closer to the end that he desperately needs. The bed was soft, giving comfort to Jaehwan’s knees that he’s now been on for near an hour. Sanghyuk’s stamina is always something else, the young man purposeful in every movement. And he knew how to draw out their time together while Wonshik was away at work.

As he’s being fucked, Jaehwan’s cock bounces with every thrust, the stimulation not nearly enough but Sanghyuk has a grip on his arms, keeping him from reaching forward to touch himself and that’s exactly what he wants. Sanghyuk _loves_ when he comes without touching himself. It always makes him scream louder and Sanghyuk is _never_ satisfied unless Jaehwan nearly loses his voice by the time he’s done with him.

Sanghyuk’s name is spoken in a mantra and Jaehwan’s tone was ever increasing, the volume almost too loud at this point and he’s unable to help himself as he lets out a note so long he nearly passes out during an orgasm that constricted his lungs, gripped him tight, and took him to places unknown. Every part of it was wonderfully drawn out, every bit of him shaking with the effort that it takes to stay upright even as he’s held up by the man who was now thrusting even _more_ inside of him. He’s filled with the man’s release in a way that always makes him shiver pleasantly. He _loves_ when Sanghyuk takes pleasure from his body.

It’s only minutes before Jaehwan is snuggled up in Sanghyuk’s arms, the both of them naked and cooling from their _very_ drawn out round of sex. Jaehwan feels limbless as he lays there, looking up at the man who completely encases him with arms so strong that Jaehwan has no intention of ever being from them.

“I should go soon, baby.” Sanghyuk speaks into Jaehwan’s shoulder and the elder wants to whine, but he can’t. He knows that Sanghyuk has to leave with enough time to allow him to clean up and change the bedding and make it all look like Sanghyuk wasn’t there in the first place.

“I’ll miss you.” Jaehwan speaks, finding that those had become their parting words over the last couple of months, a development that took Jaehwan by surprise but one he finds he appreciates more and more.

“I’ll miss you.” Sanghyuk says in response, stealing one more kiss from Jaehwan’s lips — because that’s what he was doing, stealing kisses that should belong to Wonshik. He rises from the bed and is gone before either of them could find an excuse for another round together.

The emptiness of the apartment settles in far too suddenly and heavily on Jaehwan, bringing forth the demons that he always tries to ignore. He doesn’t like to think about what he’s doing, and he doesn’t let himself be alone for too long, especially not in silence.

It’s two hours later that he’s gotten everything in order, the bed freshly made as it always would be when he got home from work — though this time for a different reason. He stands in the shower after cleaning himself out, enjoying the warmth of the water that pours over him and it’s not long before there’s another body in the shower with him.

Warm, familiar hands slip along his waist and bring him back against an equally naked body. A smile is pressed into his shoulder and Jaehwan is smiling in return, resting his hands over those that lay on his skin.

“Hi, baby.” Jaehwan greets, feeling warmth as he’s held in arms that would never hurt him, hands that would always cherish him. He’s basking in the way it feels to lean back against him with the water pouring over their forms, steam rising in the bathroom. The only sound for a while was the water pulsating against their skin and the tiled floor. It was soothing, the noise.

“How was your day?” Jaehwan speaks again, knowing that his lover would often just want to enjoy his body when caught in the shower together. And Jaehwan would never take that from him. He smiles at just how nice it is to have those hands running over his skin. They don’t stop and they rarely ever did, wanting to feel every bit of him that was _his_ to touch, and Jaehwan would never correct him.

“I missed you.” His lover speaks and Jaehwan nods his head, turning around Wonshik’s arms to wrap his own around his neck. He loops them just over his shoulder and lets their foreheads press together while he looks into the eyes of the man he loves so much. “You have the rest of the week off, yes? I was thinking we could leave tomorrow morning instead of Friday.”

Jaehwan blinks in sudden confusion before it occurs to him: They had their anniversary vacation that weekend.

“Four years, baby.” Wonshik’s eyes are closed and he’s drawing Jaehwan in for a kiss — a habit that Jaehwan still loves. “We’ll have been together four years on Saturday.” It’s enough to make Jaehwan’s heart skip a beat, happy with the idea that this is another year that they can mark as completed, as conquered.

“You’re right. Isn’t it amazing?” Jaehwan’s eyes crinkle up into a smile of their own when his lips spread to let a grin pass. “I can’t wait to be in Jeju with you.” Not a lie, but Jaehwan feels like it might as well be one. He’s excited to be with his fiance, but he would hate to be so far away from Sanghyuk for so long. He doesn’t like being away from Sanghyuk. But he smiles anyways, leaning into his fiance’s embrace and letting himself be guided into the stream of water. They’d have a good weekend, Jaehwan knows, and he would be more than happy to take part in the anniversary festivities.

 

*

 

Jaehwan shakes with fear when the glass shatters against the wall across the room. It had been thrown nowhere near him and yet he fears that the anger would be turned towards him at any moment - though he more than deserves it.

“I thought you stopped?!” Wonshik yells from across the room, staring at Jaehwan with tears not only in his eyes, but pouring down his face. There is nothing but pain in his eyes, in his body, in his heart and Jaehwan knows that he is the source of it all; he can’t feel bad for hurting Wonshik when he’d done it knowingly. “How could you do this to me?!”

Jaehwan drops his gaze because he can’t look at Wonshik anymore. He can’t stand the sight of his fiance so angry and hurt. It’s why he had hid it all this time.

“Please tell me you stopped when I asked you to...please, tell me this was a one off instance. Please… I am _begging_ you, Jaehwan!” Wonshik cries, moving forward to be closer to the man that had promised himself to him years ago. “Jaehwan!”

“It wasn’t.” He bites out with struggle. “We never...we never stopped.”

The wine bottle is next to be thrown across the room next, splashing red wine over their light colored carpet, staining pictures of the two of them that they have pinned up on the wall. It had been Jaehwan’s idea, to put on display their love because he had said that it was the one good thing he had in his life, the one constant that he could never lose.

“I forgave you! I fucking _forgave_ you for it!” He yells angrily, still sobbing as he grabs Jaehwan’s shoulders, pushing him back against the wall. Jaehwan is afraid, but he doesn’t try to push Wonshik away. Whatever anger that the man feels, he can take it out on him.

“I know…” Jaehwan can’t be sorry. Saying sorry would mean that he hadn’t meant to do it. But he had. He had done it on purpose again and again. He had brought Sanghyuk back to their home, and into their bed, into _him_. “You should have left me then...I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t get to have a fucking pity party, Jaehwan!”

Jaehwan flinches because he knows that Wonshik is right. He doesn’t deserve the pity, or to pity himself because he deserves this. He deserves to be yelled at and he deserves to be exposed to the pain that Wonshik is feeling. He doesn’t get to hide from this and he wouldn’t think to.

“Hit me, Wonshik. Just hit me then.” He says with a sigh, wondering if his partner of four and half years would actually lay a hand on him. “I deserve it.”

Wonshik’s face was suddenly in front of his, their noses near brushing as Wonshik gazes, _glares_ into Jaehwan’s eyes.

“You deserve so much more than that...but I won’t waste my time on you anymore.”

It’s that alone that causes Jaehwan’s heart to break, seeing the way that Wonshik looks defeated and actually gives up. A part of him had thought that after nearly five years, Wonshik would _fight_ more for him. He should have expected this, he should have _known_.

“I’m going out. And when I come back, you better be gone.” Wonshik states, coldly, without emotion. It makes Jaehwan’s eyes burn with tears that he doesn’t let fall until the man has left. Jaehwan knows that he doesn’t get to cry, that he doesn’t get to hurt; he’d done this to himself.

He gives himself just a few minutes to gather himself before he’s packing a few bags, knowing that there’s only one place he can go at a time like this.

Hours after the fight would find him in Sanghyuk’s arms, curling up into the strong chest that welcomes him close. Jaehwan has stopped crying by this point, simply numb to it all as he ends a chapter of his life that he thought would last for the rest of time. Instead, he’s left with his heart in pieces from breaking Wonshik’s. And Sanghyuk hasn’t said anything since welcoming him into his apartment.

Quietly, Jaehwan lifts his head from where he has it tucked away, and he tips it back enough to look at the handsome face of his younger lover. His eyes are wide and vulnerable as he looks at the other. The words he’d been asked by his ex-fiance burned into his heart now slipping from his lips, though he feels that the answer was not one that wanted to hear — though he doesn’t know what sort of answer he can expect.

_“Do you love me?”_


End file.
